Looking Back and being still

Have you ever sat in the dark, and just listened, I mean really listened? This time of year I get to do that Deer hunting, but it serves many purposes. It is amazing to listen to the silence. You hear your own breath, you hear your heart beating. You hear the breeze on the leaves. But it also serves another purpose, you can hear callings from long ago. As I look back into the long ago, I see times when I was bound by bitterness, consumed by passions I thought were worth pursuing. I held tight to the bonds that gave me courage to continue. Wearing the robes of righteousness, self righteousness, I marched on like a one man army content in the fact that I was right and everyone else was wrong. As I have grown older I look back on those times when God sent a correction in my life and can now recognize them as blessings. Life has a way of creeping up on us. It was only yesterday in my mind when my girls were born, now I am a grandfather to a beautiful baby girl. She holds all of the hopes and dreams any grandfather would have for their grandchild. But also that reminiscing gives me pause, time to reflect on things I should have done differently, things I regret, things that God had to slap me back into reality for. So during the quiet times, which are infrequent around here, I reflect, I watch and I listen, not easy for a loud extrovert who has no idea what solace even means. But is during those times when it is revealed to me that through all of my foibles, all of my arrogance, God still had a plan for me. He used my insecurities to strengthen me. He used my arrogance to condemn me in correction. He used my transgressions to train me in his ways. When I used to see hard times in my past, I now see where he walked beside me. Where I once saw pain while going through a set of circumstances I see where his pain was even greater. When I thought I was going to drown in my own tears I see that he was keeping my head above water and crying along with me. He listened when I called, he held on tight when I pushed away, and he taught me when I was unteachable. And now in another chapter of our life I look forward to see where he will lead us, how he will use us, and what I can do during my still time to hear his voice. Thank you Jesus for standing for us, in spite of ourselves, thank you for being the rock that can not fail, thank you for your Grace that sustains us, but most of Thank You for being You, the Loving Creator of all things that loved us so much that you sent an innocent man who was your son to die with the full weight of all the world's sin on his back in order that we might come to know the saving Grace that is Christ Jesus. Amen